How did I get here?

I was 7 months pregnant and at risk of redundancy. I had a mild panic about how I could find another job anywhere when I was clearly going to be going on maternity leave in a matter of a few months. Who would hire me? How was I going to support this child? What kind of future were we facing with me unemployed? The joys of "big business". To be clear, my redundancy and my pregnancy were not linked! I was one of many people being ousted. It felt personal, to all of us, but it wasn't. It was a decision made far away from us by people who didn't know us and suddenly things had never felt more impersonal.  I had had a fantastic journey there though - you know, except for that last bit! I had acquired so many new skills and specialised in areas I had previously had no knowledge of, so I can't entirely look back in anger. What a plethora of experience I had gained and could now transfer to another business. But the timing sucked ass! 

So I was resigned to the fact that I was unemployed and embraced my new role as "Mummy". What a job that is! I've never worked harder or had more job satisfaction. My little girl, Saffia, is a daily marvel. I spend a lot of time staring at her in awe. While I don't want this to be a mummy diary, I can't explain how I got to Jigsource without acknowledging that Saffia is the inspiration behind pretty much every decision I now make. 

Maternity leave (and pay) was running out and Saffia was ready to be properly socialised with her peers, so it was time to consider a nursery for her and a job for me. Both were T E R R I F Y I N G concepts to me. I wasn't really ready to face either reality. Couldn't we just stay in our bubble all snug and cute? Well, Shaz, no. Not really. 

I had no idea what role I was looking for. You know how it goes in a big organisation; you start doing one job and it gradually morphs into other things. As an Operations/Quality Management Systems Support Manager, I had my finger in many pies; CRM, quality, auditing, change management, risk management, project management, data analysis, continuous improvement.... A cursory glance over my CV would have you believe I was a Jack (or Jill) of all trades but a master of none because how can one person possibly cover all of those areas with any level of expertise? But I was the CRM expert, I was the QMS expert, I did all those things and I don't mind telling you, I was bloody good at them! But, and this was my point, there was no way I could apply for that job anywhere else, because it didn't exist! I could potentially find a CRM job, or a quality job, or an operations job, but not one role that would encompass everything that I had done in my last. And, also important, the likelihood of finding any of those jobs part-time to fit around Saffia - pffffff! Not likely. 

Should I go and work 3 days a week in Tesco? I'd be happy with that. No stress, clock off and forget about work each day. Be available to focus on Saffia. It was a possibility. And, still is. 

So, to recap; I've had no work experience in a year, I have no idea what I want to do but I know I need part-time hours and flexibility. I have little personal confidence as "Sharon" (as "Mummy" I was all good but she was almost a different person) and zero professional confidence at this point. Then a friend said to me, "What about your project management stuff? People do that freelance and then you can pick your hours. And projects can be about any area of a business so you might still get to do some ops, or some CRM or whatever."

Hmmmm.... freelance. Seed planted. 

I searched and searched local jobs on a daily basis and got more and more stressed. The jobs I was suited to were all full time. Some involved travelling. I didn't want that! It was so important to me to still have a few days a week with my little girl while she's still so young. I didn't want to be travelling any distance and not getting home to put her to bed. If there had been the perfect role, then maybe I would compromise on the hours, but none of them jumped off the screen and made me want to imbalance the family/work life I had planned. Was I just being too picky because I didn't want things to change?! Very possibly. At about 3am, while sleepily rocking my little girl back to sleep in the nursery chair, it hit me. Maybe I could pick my days/hours and maybe I didn't have to choose what I should do. Maybe, I should let people know what I CAN do, and let them decide what work they need me to do. Suddenly it started to sound quite exciting. All I needed was some time to look into it and some balls! 

Thankfully, I have a very clever sister. Well, I have two, but one in particular was my go-to for self-employed questions. After seemingly a million questions, my mind was eased that it was possible. I felt like I had a tangible idea. And Tesco isn't going anywhere so while I didn't have a salary to walk away from, I technically had nothing to lose. In some respects, that's a blessing because I would have needed considerably larger balls to take the plunge if I had been leaving a regular pay cheque, sick pay, holiday pay and "security". I have that word in inverted commas, because as you may recall, I had "security" before, or the illusion of it, and it was whipped away in an instant.

I started talking to friends about the idea. Varying results there! Some thought I was mad, some thought I was brave, and others thought that it was the best idea I had ever had. Like the angel and the devil on your shoulder, or the differing opinions of the voices in your head (ummmm, I'm NOT mad, honest!) you have to pick a side. You have to believe in it yourself. You have to believe that it's the best idea you've ever had. Then, out of nowhere, someone I hadn't spoken to in years contacted me to say they'd heard of my plans and would be interested in working with me. Really...?! I spent a good few weeks thinking that was too good to be true, but then we met up, it seemed like a legit offer, I started to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know the one, where you're excited and nervous and you might throw up but it still feels good?

Still I doubted myself. What if I can't make it work? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I do this work and then no one else wants to hire me? Well, so what?! If I only do these few projects with this one client, it's still work, it's still money, it's still recent and relevant experience on my CV and that all helps to ease me back into the world of work. I can provide for my girl, work around her as a priority, and have a boss that understands the importance of balancing family and work lives. And if it does work out, what an example of bravery and ambition I could be to Saffia. That must be worth a shot. I drafted a website and sent it to a few people to look over, still only half believing that I would actually go ahead and face the world with my own business. A wonderful person, the most wonderful person the likes of which I have never met before and probably never will again, pushed by Brave Button. It wasn't a pep-talk, it wasn't smoke being blown up my ass, it was three words. Just. Do. It. 

Website launched. Business cards ordered. Various groups and networking sites joined. 1 client. And so it began.

Is it easy? No.
Is it stress-free? Hell no.
Will it last forever? Who knows.
Do I know where my next pay cheque is coming from? Not always.
Is it the best idea I ever had. Yep.